Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
