I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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