I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
