he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
