I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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