I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
