my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
