did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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