So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.