Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".