peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.