He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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