My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...