I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."