is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.