If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?