she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
