new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
