I hate all girls vehemently.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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