i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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