I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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