your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
