Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
