TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
