i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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