you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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