Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
