..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i have herpe
just one?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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