I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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