Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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