And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
