just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
