omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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