Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
