Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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