I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
In America we eat man semen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
