Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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