Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FUCK WHALES
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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