My first STD was from a foam party
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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