My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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