There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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