I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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