i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we're so committed to being not committed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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