how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
