i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize