Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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