I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
