about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
