took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
