I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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