I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize