I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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