dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
