I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
