i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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