Got a toothbrush?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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