thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
