Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
