is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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