either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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