he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
