so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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