Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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