On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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