i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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