i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i came on her dog
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
