His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
