Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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